not all who wander are lost

not all who wander are lost

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Merry go round and round

When I was little, I loved that butterfly feeling, the g-force playfully pulling, the exquisite dizziness afterwards of the merry-go-round. The only time I didn't like it was when I suddenly wanted off. Those few moments of having to wait for things to slow down and stop were...well, not so fun.

These days I am on a metaphorical crazy round round and I'm having that "let me offa this thing" feeling. I'd rather be sitting with my feet dangling off and pushing myself ever so softly along, nice and slow. Instead, the deadlines stand alongside me, pushing me faster and faster, my eyeballs are beginning to knock together. Financial aid application + taxes, a research paper, and my first field placement application are all due in the early part of this week, and like a test of strength, I'm in monthly pain and all I wanna do is curl up in a ball. So with a heating pad on my belly, I've managed to finish my financial aid app, submit my field placement app, and get a pencil draft of the taxes done. The research paper I have yet to write stands as the last merry-go-round pusher. As soon as my paper is written, I can move at my own speed again...slow. mindful.

I've been in a discernment process about a possible full-time job opportunity the past few days and...at the moment, it feels like taking a full-time job (with school) would be like getting on a permanent crazy round round. There is such richness on my road less traveled, this odd assortment of jobs: school, care giving to my elder, being MG's handy-woman, and a shellfisherman's sidekick when that time comes. I'm not totally decided though. There are pros and cons on either side. But, I have a paper to write....I'll think about the rest later.

Thanks for sharing your precious time here. Blessings to the ride, the road, the upcoming unfolding week...and to the discernment and decisions we all make about our lives, creating peace or adventure or both.

4 comments:

Doria said...

It always feels like a roller coaster for me. good luck with the paper! Lovely post!

Mama Gast said...

SISTER, right there with you. Get Me OFF of this thing. TRYING to focus on moments instead of getting stressed about the whole day. But hey, for everything there is a season, right?!?
When this wild ride is over, let's skype. Miss you and Leo.

Anonymous said...

Heating pads and to-do list unite :)

Big love for your decision and the slowing down that's coming.

Xo, em

della said...

CHOCOLATE