Striving toward wokeness

Pulling a book from the shelf, flip the pages to find some church for the day, I find this, a blessing by Jan L. Richardson that feels like a preparation, like setting the coordinates, tuning my instrument:

"May God send you

the messengers you most need.

May you abide

the work they come

to do in you:

the piercing, paring labor

of laying bare.

May you move

with freedom

in the direction of the path

the messengers

make within you.

May you walk

with desire and delight

along their welcoming way."

...and if their way is unwelcoming, 

still, may we abide the work.

I think of my Self, my Work

...as a woman, as a white woman, as a mother and wife in a multi-racial family, as a Christian, as a follower of Buddhist psychology, as an ally of all religions that inspire us to Love One Another, as a therapist, as an Earth Mother/gardener/guardian of the sources of life around me, medicine woman, circle-maker, as a US citizen, as a voter locally and nationally, as a friend, as a sister and daughter, niece and granddaughter, as a neighbor, as one who is striving toward wokeness and knowing I have so very much to learn and do...

 

And the second and final blessing of my homemade, woman-made worship, again Jan L. Richardson:

"May you go

into the complicated places

with courage

with wisdom

with the protection of God

who meets you there."

Blessings to the week ahead and may we be woke to and abide the work that is ours to do. Thank you Messengers. 

the birds told me

5 years I think...
I am awake, pleasantly so, with the birds singing the memory up from my mind, calling it forth from my heart as they do with the sun every day, loud and beautifully wild. Who are these birds singing to heaven today?

My dad died in the early morning and in that Holy Moment, the birds sang his soul right on up to heaven, loud and beautifully wild.  It was the birds who told me this year, not the calendar.  May it always be so.

I recognize you
Everywhere

With my mind heart open, joining you in the many ways you show up to me, I walk into my day, June 27th, 2014.

In the Weeds

From that brief moment in time that found me waiting tables in Texas, I borrow a phrase. In the weeds refers to being so busy that tasks are piling up and if you don't ask for help, you'll start to have some problems (in a restaurant, a server is in the weeds when she/he has too many tables at once, people are starting to get antsy waiting for their xyz). Well, it's been a long long time since Texas but turns out this phenomena of being in the weeds followed me outta there. A predictable state if one considers  that somehow in the past six months, I gave birth to and became a mother of twins AND graduated from a Masters program, and by somehow I mean I had amazing help and support from the Tribe, esp Leo, Mom, and Joyce and Georgia. 

I'm realizing that this in the weeds business is a life lesson for me...specifically it is in the asking for help. It does not come natural but I am learning that it is a necessary part of living a healthy balanced love filled grace filled life. Often people rise to these occasions with such willingness that blessings flow into the relationship that would ordinarily not have as much opportunity to develop. Love is truly a verb. Needing others opens the door for them to share their gifts. It feels good to be needed, it feels good to give in a meaningful way. O, that I may remember this! And for those times that I ask and the answer is a disgruntled or pouty yes, or even a no...may I not be deterred, my lesson is in the asking. By asking, I am identifying and honoring my needs for balance and health.  Oh the art of living...how simple and yet..

Blessings to the journey~

Stoking the Tribe Vibe

Leo and I were gifted a book on the occasion of becoming parents by a friend and Waldorf school teacher. I started it this morning (because I no longer have HOMEWORK and can once again experience the joy of reading whatever I want!) and this was the opening line: 

"As parents, we're the architects of our family's daily lives. We build a structure for those we love by what we choose to do together, and how we do it."

-Kim John Payne, Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids

As our days unfold into the way we do life together as a new family, I am aware intuitively that less is more...that face time is better than screen time...that the sounds of spring peepers and wind blowing through the pines are beautiful and easily drowned out unless we are mindfully tuned into them. I'm looking forward to reading this book as food for thought as we strive to both create and allow a family life characterized by imagination, honoring natural rhythms, creativity, patience, stillness, music, reverence, joy, engagement. Tribe Vibe...stoking the tribe vibe.

Mor

It is Mothers Day, early morning. I am nursing my two babies to the gentlest of sounds--babies' breath and raindrops. It is my first Mothers Day as a mother. I have no words for how thankful I am for the honor of being Mama to these two and for the Grace of being a well-loved, nurtured, and respected daughter and grand-daughter which informs and inspires my every breath.

It is so easy to confuse power and authority.

Authority belongs to those
with the character, the wisdom and the compassion to command it.
Power is only authority's cheap substitute,
claimed on the basis of ascendancy
and held only by virtue of force.

The world looks for authority
and is too often kidnapped,
hijacked or tricked by power.

Power lasts only as long as force lasts.
The authority that comes
with just being yourself
lasts forever.

-Joan Chittister from God Speaks in Many Tongues

Shrove Tuesday

The Lenten season is upon us. Today is what is known in my faith tradition as Shrove Tuesday (Fat Tuesday, Pancake Day) during which it is common practice to eat pancakes as a way to rid the house of excess eggs, butter, milk, etc in preparation for Lent. I love this season. From the Wednesday evening candlelit meditative services at my lil seaside church to yet another opportunity for self-reflection and ritual. I'm such a sucker for that combo! I haven't decided what my participation will be this year for Lent. Gonna chew on that with my side of pancakes today and see what comes...
What can I give up that would help me show up to my family in a more present way? That's my question this year...
And one of those moments is presenting itself right now...beside me in bed is the sweetest little peanut who I am about to snuggle up with...putting down the gadgets and joining into this moment with my child.

Blessings abound.

In your eyes

In your eyes, I see the doorway
To a thousand churches.
-Peter Gabriel

Morning prayer

If the only prayer you say in your whole life is thank you, that will suffice.
-Meister Eckhart

This day of a great big round belly

There are two babies growing inside of me.

Precious bodies, getting fatter by the day, stretching me 

in the many ways. Body, mind, spirit.

Nearing the end of this season of growing on the inside, people say funny things like, "I bet you're ready for those babies to come out!"  And yes, I am excited to meet them, see them, smell them, snuggle them, and watch as they become more and more themselves, but I am very much content to remain in the day.  This day of a great big round belly.  I'm in love with the quiet intimacy of these babies having their beginning, their very first unfolding within me. I can feel each and every movement they make.  I know they are safe and warm and cuddled by my very bones and tissues.  I am in love with this day made all the more precious because of the impermanence of time.  For at some moment very soon, these two little people will decide that it's time to join us on the outside. 

It has been a long time coming, this pregnancy--these children very much desired.  My husband and I have been supported from all sides from the tribe and beyond.  It takes a village, it takes a tribe, to even have come this far.  Each day has been a milestone, something to celebrate and behold with our complete presence and gratitude.  

I once fell in love with a poem by Hafiz called Circles and I remember reading it and yearning for the day when my belly would be round and swollen with life.  That day is today and while I move slow and rest often, and struggle to find clothes that stretch over this ever growing belly, I am the most blissed out, thankful pregnant woman I can possibly be.  Today, I read this poem with the last line shining bright...for my husband, my babies, and I stand where we stand because we are surrounded by love and support from you, our Infinite Community of Light~

Circles by Hafiz

The moon is most happy

When it is full.

And the sun always looks

Like a perfectly minted gold coin

That was just Polished

And placed in flight

By God's playful Kiss.

And so many varieties of fruit

Hang plump and round

From branches that seem like a Sculptor's hands.

I see the beautiful curve of a pregnant belly

Shaped by a soul within,

And the Earth itself,

And the planets and the Spheres--

There is something about circles

The Beloved likes.

Hafiz,

Within the Circle of a Perfect One

There is an Infinite Community

of Light.

                Ring the bells that can still ring.
                Forget your perfect offering.
                There is a crack in everything.
                That's how the light gets in.

                Leonard Cohen

so still like water

We can make our mind

so like still water

That beings gather about us

that they may see,

It may be, their own images,

and so live for a moment

With a clearer, perhaps even with

a fiercer life because of

our quiet.

W.B. Yeats

We are all meant to shine, as children do...

One of my favorite collection of lines...and this 11 year old child breathing it, embodying it, allowing me to hear it again and as if for the first time.  Blessings to your day:

lines written by Marianne Williamson, child performing is Botlhale Boikanyo

Be empty of worrying

Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!

Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?

Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking.
Live in silence.

Flow down and down in always
widening rings of being.

RUMI

Good Vibrations for this good day

Imagining myself sitting in the middle of this groovin' pod of love and jam and soaking in some Good Vibrations.  C'mon over here sister, brother, there's a sweet little spot just for you right here....Big love, deep peace, all we have is this moment.  Let's spend it being thankful for the abundance of blessings that surround us...

I'll write love notes today...

says Hafiz in my mind today:

"Now is the season to know

That everything you do

Is sacred."

so I smile

and breathe deeply,

I will hold your hand,

and tender tender be my touch,

and peace peace be my dance

and love notes, I'll write love notes today

In memoriam

sisters and brothers

In sacred circle hope for peace is renewed
and we rededicate ourselves to work for peace.

Peace in every breath.

I bring peace to my breath.

Peace to my body.

Peace to my mindheart.

In peace, I see you.

In peace, I speak with you.
In peace, I seek to understand you

In peace, I call you sister brother

In peace, we stand together

Creating sacred circle
in which hope for peace is renewed
and we rededicate ourselves to work for peace.

Peace in every breath.

what makes you come alive?

Don't worry about what the world needs.  

Ask what makes you come alive and do that 

because what the world needs 

is people who have come alive.

                            -Howard Thurman

Two things that, as my day unfolded yesterday, I thought important to add to yesterdays post:

1. I want to acknowledge that it is not easy to be in relationship with some people. It can be hard work, just to be present sometimes.

and

2. Just as we choose to recognize the challenging situations and personalities that are in our lives as potential teachings and teachers, it is very important that we hold ourselves in a position of respect and of love. Discerning what that looks like and sounds like is sometimes hard. At least for me. When attacked by someone that is hurting, what is the most loving response...to them and to yourself? How can both people be lifted Higher in such a situation? It's hard to know what to say and what to do sometimes.

Yesterday was a particularly prickly day in the life of the woman I described to you in the previous post and her negativity was directed at me, which is not common. It was harder work than normal because I had to discern constantly how to remain present to her whilst protecting and honoring myself. I looked her in the eye, with love and hurt, and said, "No. Not ok." I confronted her several times in the span of a few hours which was exhausting but important. She matters. And I matter too.

Relationships with people who are really hurt, or who, for other reasons behave in ways that push people away when what they need is to be enfolded with acceptance and love, are hard. It is easier not to be in these relationships in fact. And sometimes, for some people, not having contact is the healthiest choice. But for those difficult relationships that we are called to sustain, it is a delicate and holy balance. An art, really.

Fumbling and falling and striving towards grace, with love in every step.

Peace to your day~

I spend time with someone who has many years under her belt and who, over those years, has worn deep groves in the field of her mind. These little cognitive pathways create a picture of reality for her each and every day that is colored by negativity and lacking. Habits of thought. We all develop our own patterns, consciously and subconsciously. Each morning she wakes and counts her ills. Each afternoon she reflects on what a horrible morning its been and what a dreadful day it is being. And I stand with her, keeping vigil for the light within her for it is there and it glimmers from time to time. And I shine my own, and perhaps it is brighter for the dark. I tell you...there's nothing that makes me more aware of the importance of our thoughts and the cognitive grooves we create over time in our minds, than spending time with her.

The other day, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. Needs were poking out from every which way, dust bunnies, the clothes, spring weeds, school deadlines, the tending of precious ones, including myself. And my experience with the woman afore-described spirited me into reframing my reality into a less distorted vision. The weeds, yes, and always they will be. And what beckons me as readily to the garden to dig my fingers into the dirt? Shun not what beckons you toward that which you love...weeds. And deadlines. In these days, only they can bring me to the day of accomplishment and on to new beginnings.

Those challenging personalities in our lives teach us about ourselves, give us practice stoking our Light ever brighter, inspire us to cultivate with greater mindfulness the field of our minds.

---

A blessing by Jan L. Richarson:

That you may have

the wisdom to know the story

to which God calls you,

the power to pursue it,

the courage to abide its mysteries,

and love in every step.

---

...walking out the door...love in every step.

Blessings to this day.

happy LOVE day

Valentines Day is here and while much of the focus of this day is on the romantic vibe of lovers (and what a magical thing that is), there is one area of "loving" that oft gets short changed and I believe it is the basis for the quality of our very lives.

We are all on the journey of learning to love and accept ourselves unconditionally and today is the perfect opportunity to practice...

Be kind and gentle in your self-talk today,

do something to nurture yourself,

remind yourself that you are a beautiful and important Light in this good world...

reaching out beyond ourselves

It is by reaching out beyond ourselves and connecting with the other generations that we begin to know our place at the sacred circle.

My grandparents live far away and in the age of Twitter feeds and a million apps, I remain awed and thankful for the miracle of the telephone for it is the way I remain connected to the every-day reality of my grandparents lives, and they mine.

My grandfather, whose voice and body are clutched by the grips of Parkinsons' disease, persists with patient grace. I myself have learned to be patient, to allow the phone to ring nine times, ten times, and then once he answers, to wait as he positions himself and readies his voice for speaking. Not as many words are spoken, less like chatter and more like poetry and oh how it feeds me. My grandmother, each and every time I call, responds the same way, "What a wonnnnnnderful surprise!" as if we haven't spoken in years. I love that. It feels good to be so welcomed, so embraced. The very timbre of their voices are part of the home of my heart.

There is something powerful and necessary that happens as we reach beyond ourselves to the other generations, both to the elder ones, as well to the younger ones.

For it is in our reaching that we are stretched into a deeper humility, a quieter reverence, and an understanding of where it is we fit in the tribal landscape.

And over time we realize that it is in fact our very reaching for one another that forms the sacred circle.

a harp in the subway

Frederick Buechner writes, "The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

and so it is that he plays in the subway...

and so it is that she gives good hugs...

and so it is that you smile at strangers...

and so it is that I see your Light and smile back...

peace

Destination is never a place

If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

-Henry Miller, The Oranges of the Millennium

My bro is pushing off again for adventures far, wide, and splendorous. In my course reading today I came across this Henry Miller quote and it reminded me of Erik.

And in the spirit of the traveling tribe we offer these words today (Travelers' Psalm 121 with my own paraphrase):

Dear one,

Blessings to you

The sun shall not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night...
The Great Spirit protects and guides you
Your going out and your coming in, from this time forth, and even forever more.

What blessings we've enjoyed, this time together. Peace and love and grace enfold you until we meet again. Yeeeeeeooooowza!

towards justice

It is the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. I've been perusing YouTube and Vimeo videos for awhile this morning and came upon one that especially inspired me...my favorite line:

"We shall overcome because the arch of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice." If there was ever an amen in my heart....Amen to that.

Thank you Reverend Dr. King for continuing to be a voice of inspiration:

Joy

"Joy is more than an emotion,

it is a way of being in the world."

Good vibes be yours this day

First day

This morning I walked on the beach with a friend as the elements sparkled and shined around us. Walking and creating little somethings in the sand, close to the waters' edge, gift to the ocean, spiritspeak for the sky. We named intentions and spoke dreams. Rocks and shells and words and togetherness, prayer as noun, prayer as verb. I joined Mom & Tina for a hike. In the sun, by the sea for most of the day today. Perfect first day of the year. I have sun in my cheeks. And I have prayers---reverberating throughout my being into this starsparkling sky---for me, for you, for all of us: Self-care, Peace, bigger love, wider minds, finding and sharing the joy of this journey, and for dreams...may they be realized according to our Highest Good.

-from In the Sanctuary of Women by Jan L. Richardson

"There are prayers inscribed on our bones, prayers we carry in our marrow,

prayers that run through our blood.

There are prayers we carry with ancestral memory, prayers passed down from generation to generation, prayers that spiral in us like DNA.

There are prayers that we carry in the most hidden parts of ourselves, prayers we have never breathed aloud, prayers we can barely acknowledge.

There are prayers that have taken form in this world, prayers that have made their way into letters and diaries and books, prayers that have taken the shape of stitches and poetry and paintings, prayers that have bodied forth as compassion, as justice, as mercy, as grace.

There are prayers of blessing and of lament, prayers we pour out for others, prayers we offer for our own selves. There are prayers whispered, wailed, shouted, groaned; prayers sung and laughed and wept and dreamed.

There are prayers of stillness and of silence, prayers in the breath and in the belly, prayers in the beating heart and in the space between the beats.

There are prayers."