I felt like/feel like I'm dreaming and that I'm going to wake up and it'll be the other scenario....it feels wrong in every way....and yet that's the reality. Walking through that with honesty and rawness and openness. Continuing to live out loud.
My census team was AWESOME about it. I felt the love all around. The men said things like, "Sorry kid" and "Their loss" and the ladies invited me into hugs and said the things you say when things don't go the way you had hoped.
people are Good.
I drove home to Leo and cried my eyes out, off and on throughout the evening. I got calls from my parents and my best friend. Papa B gave me a hug over the phone line. Leo and I had an evening of pure Being and sharing which was exactly what we needed.
I woke up at 5 this morning and felt the slam of reality anew....part of loss. part of reorganizing your Being around a new reality.
And I firmly believe in letting it wash through before going to that "higher place" of rationalization and perspective. That's for later. Right now is for just being. Raw disappointment and confusion and questioning "why why why" of so many details of this whole saga...
This time is also for Receiving. There is loss but there is also a tangible abundance all around. Love vibes, hugs, calls, prayers, fully Present people. I'm so thankful for all of that. "Love one another." How we need each other. How good it is to feel the tribe vibe as we walk along, skipping or stumbling, blossoming or crumbling. Bearing witness to each other every step of the way.
Thank you for walking with me. Thank you for being my tribe.