not all who wander are lost

not all who wander are lost

Thursday, May 21, 2009

one step forward, 2 steps back

Oh it might be one of those days. One of those, one step forward and you think everything's fine but then you fall on your face, then get up and start walking the wrong way, 2-steps back kind of days.....

Already you say? It's still early. Yes, and I have a $#!% load of things to do before we leave tomorrow. But first, I honor "the Pause". I have to have my quiet time. My centering time while the coffee is brewing. While I'm waiting for the coffee to make itself, I start hearing a trickling waterfall. For a full 5 minutes, it creates a nice background noise to my meditation...

...and then I realize the noise is coming from the kitchen. The coffee has NOT gone into the pot as is the unspoken deal between me and coffee. No, no. It has decided to go for a marathon, free-for-all, exploration FUN TIME across the countertops, dripping down the side and into every one of the 4 drawers with a million little THINGS inside before gathering forces in a big brown puddle on the floor. The spice drawer, the utensil drawer, the drawer with all the china in it, etc..See where I'm going with this? I will have to remove everything from every one of those drawers, wash them, wipe out the drawers.....grrrrr. NOT on my already too-full to-do-list. I am admittedly out of my zen, centered space. I am literally angry at the coffee maker. How could you? Today of all days? I'm mopping up the puddles and I'm glaring at the coffee maker when I notice something is missing.....the filter holder. 


I am suddenly glad that the coffee maker is a machine and not a person. My fault. Totally. I apologize to it anyway. Bad juju is bad juju. 

I sit down with the little coffee that did actually make it into the pot (celebrate the little things) and breathe deeply. Leo is blissfully asleep, unaware of my neurotic false start to the day. 

The coffee is good. Oh, and we have apple cake. 


The sun is shining. I don't HAVE to do all those things on the list before we leave. 

Ok, I am starting my day in the drawers and all. Open the windows, put on my favorite tunes, and let the sunshine in. Actually, even better, I'm going OUT into the day for a walk before anything else. 

I'm walking....and thinking of the fall on ones face with nothing but a coffeemaker as audience means there is grace in the world. Slowed my fastforward self down, that's for sure. Humbling....falling on my face is humbling. 

Oo, a cardinal....I take a few steps back to look again. Two steps back. Heh. 

And so I walk, not getting very far very fast but the world is a better place when I slow down and enjoy it. For you and for me.

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