not all who wander are lost

not all who wander are lost

Thursday, February 08, 2007

what do you do with it?

sometimes i drift above it all,
often actually
.....or mostly.

yes, mostly.

sometimes i dip down into reality. into war. into torn families, into torn hearts and i am fastly shredded and shattered into small pieces. and i cringe at the sun as it rises and the fresh newspapers, at the traffic, how can you get your nails done, what do you mean there's a sale on washing powder?

no, no. can't we STOP and FEEL THIS. and then STOP THE MADNESS, THE VIOLENCE.

Just stop........STOP!

But the sun goes down and I go to sleep and so do many others, shit happens and the sun rises again. The papers get printed and I hitch a ride to buy some washing powder because time isn't stopping and my clothes are dirty. After sleeping I have some energy to think and pray.

I pray for peace. I might get my haircut next week. I open today's paper. My eyes skim the tops of the letters 3 dead bodies blah blah blah. Could I get a glass of water please? What did you dream about last night? I open an email about someone I know whose life was forever changed last night.....

What do you do with it?.....you stop inside because things don't stop OUTSIDE. And you pray. And you FEEL IT.....and then you keep feeling it but you also watch the sunset and eat something and go to bed and wish for a good dream and come to work with a smile and be kind to the people in your day and.....do what you can.....to be love and peace and patience and justice. In your walk and talk and speech and eye contact.

Somedays I'm better at it than others. I do it with some people in some circumstances. I strive for more often with more people, including myself. Being love, being peace, being justice....to myself, to others~

And now tonight, I will eat something, feed this body. And I will take a shower and lay this body down for a good sleep. I hope for a good dream. I hold sharp tough painful knowledge of violent realities in my heart, praying over them, trying to soften their edges with my spirit....finally releasing them into a realm Higher and more powerful than me. I pull the sheets and pillows around me. I hear the silence....the absence of bombs....the silence. I'm thankful for the silence. Mindful of the bombs. Thankful for the silence.

Amen~

1 comment:

em said...

“A pupil comes to the rebbe and asks,”Why does the Torah tell us to ‘place these holy words upon your hearts’? Why does it not tell us to place these holy words in our hearts.?” The rebbe answers,”It is because as we are, our hearts are closed, and we cannot place the words in our hearts. So we place them on top of our hearts. And they are there until, one day, the heart breaks, and the words fall in.”

Hassidic tale quoted by Parker Palmer

when I first read this qouted in different book last night I read the last line as "until, one day, the heart breaks, and the WORLD falls in."

keep laying these words on our hearts sister. may all our hearts be broken that we as individuals and the world be made whole.

SHALOM.

you're not alone in the bewilderment of daily life. from madness inducing desk of 3 fireplaces and kitchens bigger than my apt, walking through "crack corner" to the bus on my way home. it's all a distraction from being broken...from witnessing others brokeness...

peace, peace, peace...

SHALOM, SHALOM, SHALOM...for which there is no equivalent in english.

your life of service and where you're serving will be extra prayed for by this life of support & different service at Mercy Center next week. hope you feel the extra vibes.